


when the time is not right

by outphan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2012, Discussion of Abortion, Light Angst, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 21:42:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15805146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outphan/pseuds/outphan
Summary: When Dan is not feeling well, he thinks it's stress. But when the doctor tells him what's going on, Dan and Phil have a decision to make.





	when the time is not right

**Author's Note:**

> look, it's short, it's slightly angsty, there's no real end to it.  
> thanks to [Amethyst](http://amethysthollis.tumblr.com) for the beta!
> 
> written for phandomficfests 'fics you're afraid to write' flash fest. while mpreg is not something i'm afraid to write, but it's not something i would ever do apart from this

2012 brought changes they didn’t expect. Working with the BBC, their YouTube channels gaining popularity, getting promotions and doing things neither of them expected. It is nice to see the little projects they started in their bedrooms to become huge and kind of unexpected.

However, their personal lives have changed as well. 2012 is... Everything. A lot has happened, some related to their careers, but some completely separate from it. 

In October 2012, Dan’s been feeling under the weather for a couple of weeks. He’s feeling dizzy and nauseous a lot of the time, but other than that he’s fine. He tries not to make a huge fuss out of it, he knows it’s the stress and the constant worrying. But Phil being Phil, being a dedicated boyfriend just doesn’t want to let it go.

“You should go to the doctor,” he whispers against Dan’s temple as they’re lying on the sofa curled up. It’s a raining in London, the raindrops battering the windows. “I’m worried about you.”

Dan rolls his eyes. “You don’t need to be.”

“Please? I’ll come with.”

As hard to admit it, Phil’s right. Dan knows he’s right, of course he does. Sometimes, it’s like Phil’s the lighthouse that’s guiding Dan safely to shore as he’s out on the stormy sea. 

 

It starts as a standard checkup. Phil’s in there with him. A nurse takes his temperature and blood pressure, then a doctor listens to his heartbeat and breathing. When he finds everything fine, he takes Dan’s blood.

The doctor puts down his pen and looks at them, especially at Dan’s hand on Phil’s thigh. “Just to be sure, I’d like to run a quick urine test.”

Confused, Dan stares back at him. “What? Why?”

“To check if you’re pregnant.”

More confusion. Dan and Phil share a look. “But I’m not a carrier.”

“Are you 100% sure?”

Dan doesn’t reply at first. He knows that there are male carriers, but there’s no way he’s one of them. He’s been having unprotected sex with Phil for almost 3 years. There’s not a chance for him to be pregnant, especially knowing he’s not a carrier.

Somewhat unreluctantly, he agrees. He knows it’s silly and he knows the doctor won’t find anything. But he goes to the toilet and returns with a small amount, whatever he could squeeze out of himself being this nervous.

“This is stupid,” Dan whispers Phil as they watch the doctor put a thin stick into the tub. “There’s no way I can be…”

“Pregnant!” the doctor says with a smile. “Congratulations!” However, upon seeing the confused, shocked and pale white faces of Dan and Phil, the smile fades. “Uh… I’ll leave you to it. I’ll be right back.”

He leaves, closing the door behind him with a click. The room is silent, only the quiet buzzing of the lights left. Dan’s mind is racing, not forming coherent thoughts, more like blobs of ‘oh my god oh my god oh my fucking god’ mixed with ‘oh my god Phil is gonna leave me I fucked up’.

“I’m sorry,” Dan says finally as tears start rolling down his cheeks. He covers his face with his hands as he tries to quieten the sobs. There’s no use, really. “I’m sorry, Phil, I didn’t know.”

“It’s fine, bear,” Phil says softly. He puts his arm around Dan’s shoulder and pulls him close, pressing a kiss on the back of his head. “We’ll… manage.”

“No, we won’t!” He feels sick, he’s sure he’s about to throw up. “Not when our channels are becoming popular! Not when I’m 21.”

“What are you saying?”

It’s hard to say it, but it’s harder to think about it. It’s not a decision he’s ever wanted to make, but he needs to. They could manage, he knows, it’s not about that. He knows they could feed a baby, raise him in comfort.

Thinking about the life inside him is… unbearable. Half an hour ago, his biggest problem was the nausea, now it’s the tiny thing. “I want to have an abortion,” he says finally. He knows it’s the reasonable thing to do, he’s just not sure Phil won’t despise him for it.

Phil looks at him, not saying anything. His face is blank and unreadable. Dan knows it’s the best choice he can make, for himself, for Phil and for their relationship. For the baby as well. “Are you sure?” Phil asks finally.

“Yeah. I know it’s selfish, but I don’t want it like this.” He takes a breath. “Do you hate me?”

“No, of course not.” He kisses Dan’s cheek. “I understand. I know. We’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, we will be.”

It’s not a happy decision, but it’s the sanest one. Having a child with Phil is everything Dan wants, but sometimes, the time is not right. Maybe in 10 years, they’ll have their own home with a huge garden and they’ll settle down for good and have a couple of kids. Maybe a dog as well. Because Dan wants it, he wants to have Phil’s baby, just not this way.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr [@outphan](http://outphan.tumblr.com)
> 
> like/reblog the fic [here](http://outphan.tumblr.com/post/177417088279/when-the-time-is-not-right)!


End file.
